i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
