2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
