Buhtt sex?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
