just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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