he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
