you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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