census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
