GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
