I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
