I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
