Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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