im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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