It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
