He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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