He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
