My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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