Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i dont even know how to be here
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
