you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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