last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wish you could order shots online.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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