I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
