I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
