If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
