So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
