my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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