yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
