i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
