STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
