using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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