i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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