I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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