Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you had me at cake vodka
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
