Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
