She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
