He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
