Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
