I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just pee around me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
