i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
