bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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