Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
