If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
