I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
