i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
