Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
