can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
