Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
