I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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