1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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