just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
