Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
