I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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