you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
